A Reason to Leave
by TessaStarDean
Summary: Carolyn comes back to tell Mike why she left.


Mike watched the coffee pot with sleepy eyes. He had woken up late that morning, and his brain was still fuzzy with sleep. Stifling another yawn, he poured himself a fresh cup and turned to stumble towards his desk.

He let out a sharp curse when he bumped into someone, some of the coffee sloshing over the side and burning his hand. Taking a couple steps backward, he thrust one of his fingers in his mouth in an attempt to get the scalding liquid off.

"Dammit!" he said loudly. "Why don't you watch where –" He stopped short when saw who he had collided with. "Carolyn?"

His former partner looked up at him, giving him a small smile.

"Hey, Mike."

Her sudden presence left him flabbergasted, and he found himself unable to direct his brain toward forming coherent sentences. She looked good – _really _good. Her long dark hair fell around her face, framing it. She wore dark pants and a red top, with a short leather jacket over it. But it was her smile that he was most drawn to, and that surprised Mike. He knew that he was more of a breast man. But right at that moment, he was awed by how much he had missed that smile.

"Earth to Mike," Carolyn was saying, waving a hand in front of his face. "You still with me?"

Then the spell was broken, and Mike shook his head. He suddenly remembered that she had transferred without warning six months ago, and he hadn't heard from her since. Letting the scowl overtake his face, he brushed past her and marched over to his desk.

"What the hell do you want?" he asked gruffly.

"Late night last night?"

He laughed bitterly. "Is this the part where you give me a speech about how the woman deserves more than a one night stand?"

"You deserve better, too," she said quietly.

"Look, Barak, I'm not good with the small talk. So maybe you should just go."

"Hear me out."

"Why?" he asked, sighing and turning to face her. "You left. I got the message."

"You don't know why I left."

"I've got a pretty good idea."

"Just give me a chance to explain."

"Fine. Explain."

"Not here." She paused, taking a deep breath. "Meet me for dinner tonight. If you don't like what I have to say, then I'll go. I'll leave you alone."

"Why?" he asked again.

"Just give me a chance before you shut me out, Mike. Please." She placed a hand on his arm and squeezed gently. "Please."

He sighed, staring at her hand, already cursing himself for not being able to say no to her.

"Fine. I'll meet you at Delmonico's at seven."

The smile came back. "Great. I'll see you then."

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She was already waiting at a table when he got there. He took a deep breath, hating the fact that his stomach was twisted into tightly wound knots. He knew that he was afraid of what Carolyn had to say. Since her departure, his brain had cycled through the various reasons that she might have left him so abruptly and forced him to deal with a new partner. Mike guessed that it was because of him, his personality – he knew that he was difficult to put up with. He had just thought that she would be the one to stay. Taking another deep breath, he sat down across from her.

"Thanks for coming," she said, a small smile on her face. The look in her eyes told him that she was genuinely happy that he had shown up.

"Yeah, well. You're paying."

She rolled her eyes. "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

The waiter came then, asking them for their drink orders. When he left again, Mike looked across the table and tried to figure out what to say to make this less painful and awkward for both of them.

"Look, Barak. Why don't we just get this over with so we can enjoy our food?"

She nodded, taking a deep breath.

"Okay." She paused then, looking around the room for a long couple of minutes. Mike shifted uncomfortably. "I need to tell you why I left."

"No, actually, you don't. I know why."

She looked at him sharply.

"You do?"

"Yeah. It was because of me, wasn't it?"

Carolyn nodded. "Yes."

"See? I already knew that. You didn't need to beat yourself up over explaining it to me and breaking the news. I know I'm a difficult partner, Barak –"

"Wait," she interrupted. "You think I left because I didn't want you as my partner anymore?"

"Well…" He paused then, suddenly uncertain. "Isn't it?"

"No. Mike…" She took another breath, and he realized that her hands were shaking.

"Just say it, Barak. Believe me, the reason can't be any worse than the ones I've already imagined."

Her eyes softened, and she reached out to take his hand in hers. The touch caused his whole system to jolt, and he desperately tried to hide his reaction from her.

"Is that what you've been doing?" she asked quietly. "Thinking of all the things you might have done wrong that made me leave?" When he looked down at the table and swallowed hard, she knew the answer. "Oh, Mike. You didn't do anything wrong. It was me. I had to leave because of something I had done."

He looked up at her in confusion.

"What could you have possibly done?"

"I…" She took another breath. "I fell in love with you," she said quietly.

Mike's brain simply stopped at her statement. Never had he considered her leaving because she had feelings for him. In fact, he hadn't been able to think of a single positive reason for her leaving. Staring around the restaurant, he struggled to say something, anything. But as his silence continued, Carolyn's face fell, and she began to pull her hand away from his. It was that that woke Mike from his reverie. He grabbed her hand and held on tight.

"Wait. You left six months ago, Carolyn. I haven't heard a word from you. If you…if you had feelings for me, why wouldn't you get in touch with me?"

"I was afraid…I needed to know that it was more than just the fact that we spent so much time together. I thought, if I left, I'd be able to figure out if it was more than just some crush, or a bout of lust."

"Lust?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes and he laughed. "So what did you find out? On your little sabbatical?"

She looked down again.

"That the feelings were real. That they _are_ real."

"And that means you can't be my partner?"

"That's exactly what that means."

He nodded, thinking for a moment while the waiter brought them their drinks and took their dinner orders. When they were alone again, he spoke.

"But it doesn't mean we can't spend time together, right?"

She looked up at him, hope seeping into her eyes.

"Right."

He nodded again before leaning over the table and brushing his lips against hers. Once, twice, and the third time she took his face in her hands and held it there, kissing him firmly. They stayed like that for a minute, before they both realized they were in a crowded restaurant. Pulling back, they settled back into their seats, Carolyn blushing and Mike smiling with a dazed look on his face.

"You have to know something else, Mike."

"What?"

"I won't be one of your one night stands. If we do this…we do it."

He laughed. "Please, Barak, I wouldn't try to pull any of my usual crap with you. You'd kick my ass."

"You know it," she smirked.

He reached out and took her hand again, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. Her smile grew as Carolyn watched him.

"You're a big softie at heart, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but you can't tell anybody. My rep would be ruined."

"Good. It's time we ruined that rep of yours with the women of the department."

A guilty look crept into his eyes.

"Don't worry, Carolyn. Once they find out I'm with you, no woman on the force will touch me. Out of fear of what you'll do to them."

She smiled as she took a sip of her wine.

"That works just fine for me."


End file.
